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anonymous' story

my father raised me to hate my mother. for more background information, my mother and father have a huge age gap (18 years) and never married. my mother was in love but he was not, however finding out she was pregnant with me, they chose to stay together, try to make it work.

when i was born they lived separately and co-parented but as i got older they chose to move in together. throughout my childhood he’d be the “cool parent”. never yelled at me, got me what i wanted etc. whereas my mother did typical parenting with boundaries, and punishment. he would say things like, ”your mother shouldn’t yell at you like that, i would never - she was just raised in a harsh environment,” or “she’s so damn lazy don’t grow up to be like your mother”.

i grew to loathe my mother. i did not love her. i didn’t wanna be with her or associated with her and this hatred lasted till she left him, and i saw his true colors (he dove deep into alcoholism; he was always passed out or angry yelling at me, calling me by my mother’s name, comparing me to her, ignoring my needs while continuously trying to point the finger at my mother and call her the bad guy for leaving).

when i hear others say that “they hate their (guardian)” or “this (guardian) is better than the other” i can’t help but wonder if they’ve been brainwashed like i was or there’s something happening. i encourage others to seek therapy, to have someone open their mind to what may be happening in their life. because if she had never escaped and i did not seek professional help i know by now i would’ve been dead. but now my mom and i have a healthy close relationship and it’s been five years since i’ve seen my father.


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