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saisha's story

so hey! i am 17 and till date i have liked 6 guys and 5 of them ended up liking my best friends and the other 1 guy didn't liked my best friend but liked someone else. and I of the guy is actually dating my bestf; yes i see them every fuckin day at school. now i am used to it but the 1st 15 days when they started dating were so terrible, i used to get dreams in which i am aggressively screaming, crying, hitting the floor idk how to describe it but that was very mentally draining. then it got kind of better, i was no longer having those dreams but i was not having any dreams. then idk why but I thought making scenarios with other guy would help me move on from this guy. so i started making scenarios with one of my friend. we recently got to know each other and eventually i started liking him, then we were talking, flirting, it was going good. then introduced him to my best friend. and guess what he started to like her, again i was heartbroken. then did the same thing again (making scenarios) with another guy. i started liking him, i introduced him to my other best friend and he started liking her. these are just stories from these 3 guys, 2 remain and have a very long story but it ended up my crush liking my bestf. ya now what? nothing. my self esteem is hella low. no matter how much i try to convince myself i am worthy beautiful everything i just can't do this every time. sometimes i just can't be positive, and it's not just boy problem. every single one of my close friend have started dating. i am alone & single. so yes, i do feel excluded. not sometime every time. they all say you won't feel excluded next time but do the same thing the next time. this all is taking so much of my energy i just fuc*ing can't explain. i get random anxiety attacks. my friends do support me and all; if i say i am feeling excluded they say sorry and all stuff they are pretty nice to me. but they say sorry do the same thing next time. the only thing that's keeping me away from going into depression is my financial freedom and my family relations are getting better *knock on wood*



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