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sidhanth's story

Updated: Sep 10, 2022

i had a breakdown during 2021. i am an empath, so i try to relate with everything and everyone. i didn't at all wanted to face my problems because it caused me so much headache, literally. i would rather listen to someone else's problems. but due to lockdown, i was forced to face them.

and all of them came crawling. i remember having panic attacks by myself in the room and crying and praying to God. it all started because of toxic relationship trauma. i guess it triggered everything and the timing could not be worse.

it went on like this for weeks. i cried, i got mad at everything, everything was irritating to me, i tried self harming a little, my mind was filled with black cloudy patterns, i isolated myself. but then i started to observe my behavior.

i accepted the toxicness of the previous relationship. i accepted my failure and my luck of getting out of it. i still get some thoughts about getting back together, but i stop myself right there. it gave me trauma; i am now afraid to do the whole relationship thing with someone again, by myself. it will all end in the same way so i just keep to myself.

i am better than before, but still afraid. i am afraid of the whole relationship thing. what if the same thing the other person will do again or worse. hope i will get out of it.

personally, i think love is the best thing one can have, but it’s not compulsory to find it in partner only. you can find it in nature or parents or pets or in small moments with strangers as well. that’s how i try to cope though.


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