“i was never told how or when to deal with my emotions growing up, just saw how i was 'supposed' to be as a guy. for 26 years i kept everything inside. all the rage, depression, panic, suicidal tendencies, self doubt, and even happiness sometimes. for as long as i can remember i haven't shown a hell of a lot of emotion. ¡ deployed to Iraq for 9 months in 2019. within a week my dog died, my grandpa died, and my fiance left me. not a single tear. didn't feel anything really until late February of this year. i got stood up on a date that i was really excited for, my first one in a long time too. that was the straw that broke me to my core. i cried for hours just sitting in my car. nothing felt like it mattered. there weren't any reasons that made me feel like i shouldn't disappear. started making my last calls to people. usually no one picks up my calls anyway but my friend did, he truly saved me from not coming home that night. i can't say everything is all good now cause it's not. i can go a week or so without breaking down now. better than nothing.”
