"at the age of 13 i decided my whole life: i wanted to be a writer. i enjoyed reading and i loved writing stories. i had tonnes of notebooks scattered around my bedroom and pens always by my bed just in case i became inspired. i decided to pursue a journalism degree because i thought it was my only way of becoming a writer. i was excited. i worked hard to get to university. i've now come to the end of my degree and i'm completely lost. after realising what journalism is actually like and how draining it can be, i knew it wasn't for me. the old fashioned portrayals in films and books makes it look like the dream job i wanted. it was not. i was burnout, anxious all of the time when i had to do a zoom interview during a global pandemic and i cried myself to sleep when i worked hard on something i was passionate about and it was ripped to shreds by others. 21 with a journalism degree, living at home and i have no idea what my plan is. it should be exciting. a new chapter to explore what i want to do. but all i do is cry from the amount of disappointment i have in myself. everyone around me is capable. i watch them join big organisations and conduct interviews. whilst i look through listing of jobs with only one thing on my mind: despair. i was diagnosed with clinical depression a few weeks later and i was putting on a waiting list for therapy. although i have help and people are aware of my feelings, these thoughts plague my mind. that i was a failure, a disappointment; a low life. the only thing that is keeping me a float is my mum and some hope. remember your self worth. you are worth more then your degree or the future you set up for yourself at 13."
